Today when I hopped on the F train on my way home from work, it was packed, as usual. I found myself sandwiched between a gorgeous, tall Asian woman and a short, pudgy White guy. Despite the fact that I was smack dab in the middle of them, the man, with his wrinkled suit and graying temples, was intent on making a love connection with this young woman behind me, who I swear could/should be a model.
You can probably already see where this is going. For the next 10 minutes of my train ride, I felt like I was in the middle of a terrible romantic comedy. Let me do a dramatic reenactment for you. And…
Man: So, are you a native New Yorker? A tourist?
Woman (with hesitancy): I live here…
Man (in the corniest, I’m-trying-to-hit-on-you-on-the-subway-during-commuter-hour voice): Well that’s just fantastic! I live here too, ya know. I actually live in Queens because I like the city, but the boroughs are just so magical! So where do you work?
Woman: I work near Rockefeller Center.
Man: Really! What a great area! So, does your boyfriend take you up to the Top of the Rock?
Me: *Loud sigh*
Woman: Uhhh…well, I’ve been there many times.
Man: I’m coming from midtown from a sales conference. It’s actually really interesting because…*this is where I, and I’m pretty sure the should-be-model as well, tuned out*
Woman (looks up as the train slows down): Well this is my stop. It was nice meeting you…*starts scooting through the packed car toward the door*
Man (yelling): WAIT! *Scrambles through his wallet frantically, looking for a business card as sweat drips down his forehead*
Woman (behind her shoulder as she walks through the doors): Really, it’s ok…
Man (yelling again): NO! *Throws his entire body between the doors to stop them from closing, and reaches out as if he might sprout Go-Go-Gadget arms, business card in hand, looking desperately at the woman. She gingerly takes it from his hand and walks away, looking slightly frightened. The man pulls himself back into the car and wipes his brow.
Man (to the innocent bystander standing next to him): Wow. What a hottie. And she was totally into me!
This mini-drama was enough to have me cracking up my entire walk home. For various reasons. I can give no commentary on this scene other than: Oh, MEN!