A Confession

photo courtesy of ClipArtHeaven

Blogworld, it saddens me to admit that I have contracted a disease that I never thought I would get. One that I had frequently heard about, but foolishly thought I was immune from. In fact, it took me months to make the first step and get out of denial, and now, I can finally be open about my condition.

*Deep breath* here goes…I have New York Irritability.

Even if you are unfamiliar with the name, if you have ever been to New York or know someone who has lived here, you are probably familiar with the symptoms of NYI. The symptoms include, but are not limited to, irritability, grouchiness, impatience, grunting, groaning, eye rolling, foot tapping and permanently furrowed eyebrows.

I have come to believe that this condition is a result of the crowded, fast-moving atmosphere of this city. The fact that everyone always seems in a rush makes you feel like you are always in a rush, too – even if you’re not. How did I come to give myself this self-diagnosis? The symptoms have been ongoing for some time, but it wasn’t until this incident happened last week that I finally came to terms with it.

On my way to work (when I am always in a rush, because no matter what, I can never seem to leave my apartment on time) I pass the famous Carnegie Hall, where there are always groups of tourists standing on the sidewalk, snapping pictures with no regard for the morning commuters trying to get past them. Last week, two people – who in any other setting, I would have called an adorable elderly couple, but on a busy New York work morning, I saw as uberly annoying old farts – were taking their sweet time taking some photos outside of Carnegie Hall. Conveniently blocking my walking path, the man was on the right side of the sidewalk trying to take a picture of the woman, who was on the left, smiling against the wall of the building, I stopped briefly as to not interrupt their photo. When they finished, I started to continue my speed walking, when the man held up a hand to me. “Just one more picture!” he said with a smile. I glanced at my watch, and this is when the the symptoms of NYI came on full force. The man’s smile faded quickly as I forcefully hoisted my handbag onto my shoulder, plowed forward right between their photo session, and stormed away, muttering “grandpa” under my breath as I shook my head forcefully.

Sounds pretty horrible, right? I know your thinking “What a monster she must be, too wrapped up in her own agenda to be patient with the elderly!” Well, that’s only the beginning. Everything from cute, innocent children running around me in the subway to the line at Starbucks being too long is enough to initiate the eye-rolling, teeth-sucking and foot-tapping.

And the thing is, people who know me pre-New York life would probably describe me as laid-back. In general, I’ve always been slightly indecisive, a go with the flow, whatever the day brings kind of girl. But in New York, I always have to have a plan, I’m always in a rush, and if you get in the way of me getting to where I need to be, you might encounter the wrath of my NYI symptoms.

Help! I need a treatment for this disease, and ASAP. Otherwise…oh, shoot. I’m late for lunch. Gotta rush – and if they know what’s good for them down in that cafeteria, the lines won’t be too long!

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